I am headed to a family reunion. It’s a tradition that began as a celebration of my grandparents’ 50^th anniversary in 1971 and is still held by my father’s family every five years despite the passing of my grandparents in the 1990’s (they were together for an amazing 70 years).

The family is a big one, starting with nine siblings and expanding exponentially over 85 years. When I was young, my aunts and uncles ran the reunions, and most of the 26 cousins went, even if it meant flying 2,000 miles, then driving another 500.

Now, changing family and social dynamics have altered the event a bit. First, the organizational responsibility has been passed on to my generation - some Boomers, some Generation X, most parents, all busy, stressed, overscheduled individuals. Our kids are in activities that can’t be missed or our work schedule is too intense. And we all can’t afford to fly 2,000 miles and then drive 500 anymore. So the crowd has diminished, but not the drama.

The thing about family reunions is that they involve family, so there is bound to be some conflicts. Whether it be differing lifestyles, or diverse points of view, or an old resentment between those who take charge and those who sit on the sidelines, nobody comes to the event with a blank slate. Everyone keeps a family ledger, so to speak, of debts and credits, favors and wrongs.

Before the event even begins, the rumors start. Some members won’t come; others worry about sharing news of divorce or family issues. Parents wonder which children will behave and who will be a “bad influence,” even secretly questioning their own.

When the party starts, siblings and cousins quickly fall back into old roles. As the baby of my immediate family and one of the youngest cousins overall, I revert back to a defensive position, ready to be teased and disregarded. Even though I’m grown up and a parent myself, I think this crowd is still surprised to see me have a beer. When you only see people once every five years, it slows down the perception of aging. I’ve aged 35 years in 8 reunions, but perhaps I’ve only gone from age 3 to 11 in their eyes.

I thought I’d share some tips from the Mayo Clinic on reducing conflict at family reunions, just in case any of you will be experiencing a similar event this year. Of course, I’ve added my own interpretations...

1) Plan ahead: Visualize the positive ways that you will handle unpleasant situations. For example, prepare an answer for Uncle Frank’s favorite question: “You just stay at home with the kids? What do you do all day?” or just imagine shoving Aunt Edna’s homemade pie into his face.

2) Have realistic expectations: Cousin Charlie will still be pulling practical jokes and Aunt Fran will still talk your ear off with unwanted advice. See #1.

3) Avoid long visits: This is hard when you are going to a family resort for several days, but you could always tell them you’re a vampire and just show up for dinner. Or say you are training for a marathon... you just need to jog long enough to get out of their sight.

4) Get enough rest and exercise: As a bonus, this will help to avoid long visits.

5) Avoid sensitive subjects like politics, Cousin Lola’s piercings, or the nice fellow that came with Uncle Fred.

6) Limit alcohol: When the stress level and discomfort gets highest, you may want to seek this out first, but don’t. Believe me, you don’t want to say or do anything you’ll regret. It will be etched in the family album forever.

7) Take a break: When you get to the reunion site, scope it out. Find a place where you can get away when you need to. Or offer to take on solo jobs or jobs that you can share with someone you choose.

8) Spend time with the family members you like most: You probably know whom to seek out first, but you may be pleasantly surprised to find many others. Despite tips #1-7, people can change. Give everyone a second chance and let bygones be bygones. You might enjoy yourself!

I’m looking forward to catching up with my clan and wish only that more were joining us. I’m sure there will be some stories that we will wish to forget, but also many that we will all happily remember.