"There is no place like home for the holidays" blares from the radio and every mall. Those of us who are over fifty have experienced many Thanksgiving holidays - as children, singles, married, parents, grandparents and even great-grandparents. In times not so very long ago, Thanksgiving traditions were easily handed down from one generation to the next. But, with the experience of divorce, home's notion is often a confusing place for all involved. Even Hallmark, ever attuned to new business opportunities, has come out with a new series of holiday greetings to reach out and touch our splintered and confused families. Home no longer is where the heart is. More often, it is where the designated parent or grandparent may live.

The proliferation of divorce has helped to create a nation of highly mobile vagabonds. One out of every three citizens resides outside their birth state. In approximately one-fourth of the states, natives are a minority of the population. In some highly mobile locations as disparate as military bases or states such as Florida , Nevada and Washington , D.C. , home may seem like a temporary camping ground.

Parents separate and move, children are caught in the middle and grandparents often need to negotiate this particular holiday meal with their children, a series of in-law children, step-children and step in-law children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, all of whom are trying to sort out where to spend Thanksgiving. For many sages, what was once a simple traditional family meal has taken on the complexity of a major business negotiation requiring flow charts to specify who goes to which location which year and which family members remain in the inner circle and which ones no longer belong.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, one-sixth of all Americans, or about 43 million people, moves each year. Of those people, about 13 million are under age 19. Teenagers grow up and leave for distant jobs and universities. Intermarriage of every kind is on the rise, melding once hallowed traditions into a mélange that can feel as goopy as our children's "silly putty." Some who are fifty and furthermore, may forget what there is to be thankful for during this designated Thanksgiving Day and want to throw up our hands with the confusion of it all.

The latest data on the evolution of the American family compares the usual American family of two parents and kids from a couple of decades ago to now, and finds the constellation has changed so much that only one in four American families is intact in the traditional sense: meaning three out of four families has been directly or indirectly impacted by divorce. We have become a nation of wandering minstrels and Thanksgiving seems to be designated as the feast that unites us.

It seems to me that the real question is not how do we hold onto the past, but rather how do we encompass and embrace the reality of what we are moving toward? For the new century will continue to bring new definitions and new meaning to family. Thus, all of us will need to take responsibility to make our own families have reasons to hold traditions and to give "Thanks." Because we no longer have a baseline of set traditions, this can be complex, requiring commitment and dedication to keeping our personal Diaspora's together.

My family is a blended one. There were a few years when I wondered whether we would ever gather in genuinely joyful celebration. My husband and I have made blending our families a high priority. We have been known to set mandatory, though not always welcomed, family meeting weekends insisting that the children and eventually their spouses and natural and acquired grandchildren spend time with us and each other. These times were not always easy for any of us and more than once I was tempted to give up on children, on my husband and on the whole notion of family. The idea of family togetherness sometimes seemed so challenging and highly overrated that I wondered why we were all trying so hard.

This Thanksgiving all of our dedication to accepting each other seems to have paid off. With a family as diverse as a mini United Nations, I see a vision of what a future Norman Rockwell painting might be. Although most of my family lives in the Northeast, the majority of us are gathering in our home in the South where we will add our newest grandchild, Asher, to our ever-changing extended family make-up.

As I consider my personal family diversity, represented by several religions, ethnic and racial groups, multiple vocations and socio-economic levels, I am thankful for this hard earned, hard won gathering. It has not come easily for any of us. Although not everyone at our table believes in God, out of respect for those who do, we shall all bow our heads, hold each other’s hands and offer thanks and blessing for the food that we will consume and the freedom that we as Americans have to choose whatever religion and lifestyle we wish.

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