Okay, you know you want a mental health professional who knows what he or she is doing, who cares and who is a decent human being. Won't most therapists fit this description? This is where needing help while simultaneously selecting the right helper starts to become a bit of a muddle. You need to ask yourself several questions when choosing your mental health helper.

Do you want Bill Blank screen or Chatty Cathy?
Are factors such as gender and ethnicity relevant?
Will you do better with a therapist who is primarily a head, heart or gut type?
Do you want someone similar or different from yourself in terms of personality traits?
Will a clinician who practices short-term therapy do the trick or are you looking for someone who can be there through thick and thin?
Do you believe insurance is really in control and that you have no choices about your own care?
The first decision you have to make is what type of therapy you want, short or long-term--this will inform your decision-making process regarding what qualities to look for. The choice is up to you. Ask yourself whether all you need is help for the moment, or are you, in truth, afraid of a longer-term commitment? If you decide it's the former, the professional's personality is less important than someone you will be with for a year or more. To ensure a good brief experience, look for a therapist, counselor or trained religious professional who makes you feel comfortable, sticks to goals and knows how to quickly get to the crux of your issue.

If you have decided on a longer-term experience the therapist's personality will be crucial. For instance, if you are very hyper, you might want to consider working with someone who has more patience. If you're depressed and find it difficult to talk, it wouldn't make sense to be with a therapist who barely speaks. If you have been sexually abused as a child, will you feel comfortable talking to a man or woman who reminds you of your abuser? If you are straight, will it matter if your therapist is gay? As a working mother, will you be able to trust a single woman who has never had children? If you are an older man who is experiencing sexual impotency, will you feel competitive with a young "stud"? Are you drawn towards people who are familiar, no matter how painful the experience, or do you seek a person who is challenging just to be a "dare devil" and constantly prove yourself?

If you have opted for a short-term situation-related experience, the most crucial quality to seek is someone who has been trained in your particular situation. For example, if you are involved in a work conflict, you need someone who understands your job and organization, not a biofeedback expert. On the other hand, if you are considering long-term therapy, you have a right to ask if your therapist candidate has had his or her own personal therapy. I believe this is a crucial factor in evaluating a potential long-term mental health care provider. The most important aspect of this kind of professional's training may be his or her own exposure to therapy. A therapist's awareness of her character flaws may not raise her to sainthood, but it can enable her to have a better understanding of how her own personality and strengths and weaknesses may impact you. A therapist who has never been exposed to her own internal workings will have a hard time understanding yours.

In order to achieve a successful psychotherapy experience, brief or long, you should seek someone you can respect, trust, communicate with and want to commit to for the duration of your work together. A therapist should be of good will and be emotionally and intellectually honest. An essential quality to look for is someone who is moral without being moralistic. Their training should include expertise in a professional discipline. They may be eclectic -knowledgeable in more than one area - but beware of clever dilettantes who merely know a little about a lot. Regardless of the type of therapist you employ, all therapists should be caring, empathetic and concerned.

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