No one ever walks into a therapist’s office on a whim. It’s not like walking out of the house to by a new pair of shoes, new undergarments or a birthday present for a loved one. The process is usually more akin to feeling miserable and so blue that life doesn’t seem worth living or having undiagnosed physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, stomachaches, not falling asleep or waking up at the all too common 4:00 AM time of doom and gloom (all possible symptoms of anxiety). On the other end of the spectrum is the knife in the gut experience, such as finding out your spouse is having an affair, facing a divorce, discovering that your child or grandchild has been skipping school, dealing with the illness or death of a loved one, or flailing around and feeling nuts, unable to decide issues involving retirement (or as I like to say, “refirement”).

Or there are the common every day work stresses, job dissatisfaction, family spats, illness, over-commitment, under-appreciation. These are just some of the many stressful situations people over fifty may confront. During all of the heartache and confusion surrounding a stressful event, it’s often hard to fathom ever putting the pieces back together. Although many turn to others for help, and while having a support group is one of the best antidotes to stress, this puts those comforting souls in a position to be susceptible to great duress as well. Dealing with others’ misfortunes can wear away at the serenity of even the most composed individual. So before seeing a professional or in addition to seeing a therapist, what can be done to ensure that all parties retain their sanity?

It is important to realize that every day stress is manageable. The first key in reducing your level of stress is to separate your work or other commitments from your play. The time away from work or less pleasant activities should be just that – a time to unwind and not rehash the events of the day. It’s also crucial to reaffirm your priorities and learn to say no to tasks that put a strain on your energy and time if they are not necessary in completing your goals.

It is also extremely helpful to make a point of noting positive experiences as they happen and to try and incorporate more of those activities into your life, rather than just removing the negative ones. One study reported by the American Institute of Stress found that adding daily pleasant events has more positive effects on the immune system than reducing stressful or negative events. Positive, stress-free experiences can include taking relaxing weekends or even frequent short vacations from your normal routine - planning a few hours a week to do something special for you, such as playing or watching a sports event or attending a concert with friends or family.

In fact, doing any activity within a social network is another significant antidote to stress. Studies indicate that even support from strangers reduces blood pressure in people undergoing a stressful event. People who have good relationships with others are not only more immune to the effects of stress, but also live longer and happier lives overall. Taking time in your day to have lunch or take a walk with your significant other, a friend or a coworker, or to do a small act of kindness for another can alleviate the pressures felt by everyday demands.

Eating right and incorporating exercise into your daily routine also help to reverse the negative effects of stress. Exercise is especially important, for it not only provides effective distraction from stressful events, but it also strengthens tense muscles, decreases the risk of heart and other physical ailments, and reduces overall anxiety. Studies even show that people who follow an active lifestyle are sick less often than those who are identified as couch potatoes. The key in exercising is to find activities that are exciting, challenging and satisfying. Other than just going to a gym, exercise can be fulfilled through aerobics classes, brisk walks around the neighborhood, swimming, or even Yoga or Tai Chi which also improve your concentration and mood. The simple act of remembering to breathe can help you live longer. Taking time during the day to take a walk or do something active can work wonders on your energy level and ability to calmly tackle the rest of the day’s challenges. On the other hand if you are a type A personality, as the Buddhists say, “Don’t just do something, stand there.”

Stress affects even the best of us, but it doesn't have to get the best of us. By learning to take care of your personal life, adding positive experiences, creating social support networks and taking care of your body physically, you can succeed in reducing your own stress level while keeping your cool as you help others reduce theirs. Loving, caring relationships also make a difference in both the quality and longevity of life. So if you think you may have intimacy issues that prevent you from getting or giving the love you need, or if you feel overwhelmed by your stress, don't hesitate to see a therapist. There’s no stigma in seeking additional help. As I always say, life is too hard to do alone – reach out!

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