Can you imagine not having any memory of having sex with another person? How about driving a car while still asleep or baking and eating a chocolate cake in the middle of the night while sleepwalking? Well, beware - there is a sleeping aid that can cause such adverse effects and more.

It all started when I complained to my doctor about not having a restful night’s sleep in weeks. He told me about a sleeping pill that should help. I picked up the prescription, eager for a peaceful night of slumber. The label warned not to drink alcohol and that the drug might cause drowsiness. I wasn’t drinking alcohol, and drowsiness was the general idea. Numerous other side effects were listed on the insert, but everyone knows those are very rare and unique cases.

I was to take one little pink pill for seven nights in a row in order to get my body clock on schedule. I was then to cease taking it and only use as needed to ensure that the pill did not lose its effectiveness. For seven evenings I followed the doctor’s orders and slept better than I’d slept in ages, waking refreshed and feeling great. I had no side effects. When my friends would inquire as to how I liked this sleep-aid, instead of boasting about my pleasure with the outcome, I would declare my frustration by jokingly responding, “I hate it. I was out driving all night and came home to a kitchen with no chocolate cake.” We all had a good laugh. However, I’m no longer laughing.

A month later, I had a few restless nights in a row. I had a big weekend planned and wanted to start it very rested so I decided that it was time to take another sleeping pill. At 11:00 PM I took one pill and headed off to bed. When I woke in the morning, I had a splitting headache and felt nauseated. Instead of my usual refreshed self, I felt dazed and confused.

Looking around my bedroom I wondered what in the world had gone on during the night. There were magazines covering every inch of the floor. Feeling nauseated, I walked over the mess to make my way to the kitchen. After making myself a cup of soothing ginger tea, I went to the living room to relax. Most of the day I spent stretched out on the sofa, not feeling up to doing anything productive in my lethargic and sick state. By the end of the day, I decided to force myself to get up. I went to the bedroom to pick up the scattered magazines. As I picked them up I noticed a big circle around a picture of an olive herringbone twill jacket. There was another circle around a beautiful pair of Italian leather high-heeled shoes in deep auburn and a pair of black fu-fu shoes. There was a jewelry magazine that had a beautiful emerald ring circled along with several strands of pearls. In a lingerie magazine, a short red silky teddy was circled. Studying the magazines as I picked them up, I found phone numbers written down in my handwriting with notes stating “six payments of $19.99, plus shipping, handling and taxes.” Other notes indicated that expedited shipping had been paid. Had I ordered something? What were these phone numbers that I’d written down? Panic started to set into my mind.

I called the credit card companies and sure enough, numerous charges had been placed against my credit cards. I started calling the magazines and the 800 numbers that I had written down. Apparently I had also ordered from infomercials. Never in my life had I ordered anything from a television program. I was thankful that even in my sleep I seemed to have kept pretty good notes. By the time I finished, I had cancelled almost two thousand dollars worth or merchandise, including my enrollment in a monthly vitamin plan. There were a few orders where I was told it was too late to cancel. The credit card companies said not to sign for any of the packages; refusing would return them without my having to pay shipping and handling charges which is a big way for some of these companies to make their money.

The thought that I was up, watching television, talking to strangers on the phone and giving them my credit card information was terrifying. I’d also written down, “Exercise DVD’s” and next to that I’d written, “If I want to be the total package, I must buy the total package.” Of course I wanted to be the total package but I wasn’t aware that I could buy it. I hope I got the right size. I wondered what size negligee I had ordered. I suppose the size would depend on if I ordered it before or after the exercise DVD’s.

I’d also ordered weights. I don’t have any objection to owning weights; I just wondered who was going to lift them for me.

The following two weeks I received numerous parcels. Unfortunately, I had a few kind neighbors that signed for me while I was away. After opening one box, I was the proud owner of eight DVD’s on how to dance Hip-Hop. I guess I’ll be ready for the office Christmas party.