Do we all wonder or even think about what moment in our life had the most impact on us? Mine was a moment that was so powerful that it has lived with me for 47 years. One simple phone call and seven words changed me forever. I was at work and was called to the office for a phone call from my doctor’s office. The nurse said, “You are going to have a baby!” Strange words for one who had not too long before been told I may never be able to get pregnant.

It was the last thing I thought about when I said good-bye to my husband and watched the USS Saratoga pull out of port in the summer of 1960. It was his second six-month Mediterranean cruise. I had no clue until that phone call that I was already 3 months pregnant when he left. I’d been having problems and thought instead that I might be facing surgery to correct them. Needless to say, my “diagnosis” was a surprise to everyone.

There truly are no words to describe what I felt when I hung up that telephone. I just knew that I had changed and I was about to embark on a journey that I had hoped and prayed for since I was a very little girl. Motherhood was the only career I ever wanted and now that the doctors had been proven wrong, I was ready for the trip. I felt great, and didn’t know what morning sickness was until my best friend got it! I ate healthy, stayed active and got annoyed at my doctor because he insisted I couldn’t be eating right or enough because I wasn’t gaining enough weight - so I supplemented my diet with a couple of milkshakes a day.

By my due date of February 1, 1961, I had gained a whopping 15 lbs. Late that night I went into labor and on Ground Hog Day, after 18 hours of on and off labor, I had lost 21 lbs and gained a beautiful little angel with a head full of black hair who looked just like her daddy.

They say a child shouldn’t be a friend but I’m proud to this day to say that my Laurie has always been more than a daughter. She was and is my best friend. Although I always told my children how much I loved them, it was hard to tell them in words just how much they meant to me and how much my life was enriched by them.

A time came that I sat down to write to her and share what I felt from the moment of that life-changing phone call until the night before she graduated from High School. I started the letter and something inside me said that this was not the time to finish it. So I put it away. When the time came to complete this very special letter, I just knew it, and the words flowed faster than my hand could write them.

Then the day came that she would answer my letter and her words put my heart and mind to rest. I knew I had done the one job I always wanted more than life itself, as well as I could have. My children have been my greatest gift in life. They have been the greatest source of pride and love my husband and I could have ever hoped for. My daughter gave her permission for me to share these letters with other moms who share the bond that we have. We hope you enjoy them.

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March 1981

Dear Laurie,

How vividly I remember the day. It started like any other day. But, one phone call changed everything.

I can almost hear the nurse’s voice; so calm and sweet; “Your test is positive,” she said. “You are going to have a baby.” I stood there for a moment, unable even to speak. Suddenly I felt as though I were flying, my head spun, my stomach churned, my eyes blurred. It may have only been a second, but in that brief span of time, my whole life changed. It was never to be the same again.

In that moment, my Darling, you became a little person, my baby. I dreamed of you, I talked to you, I loved you. “Who are you little one?” I asked. Will you be Mommy’s little angel or Daddy’s little buddy?

We were alone then, my precious… Alone to wait and wonder. I remember the first little flutter of life within me. The thrill, the absolute wonder of it… words cannot describe. And then we grew together. We swam and climbed trees and played with the dogs. I’d laugh and wonder how you felt inside me as I did these things. I wondered if you could hear my voice when I talked to you.

The pains began late one night and as the hours passed, I thought of all the dreams and hopes I had for your future.

Those eighteen hours I spent in labor, I probably did more praying, worrying and wondering than ever before in my 19 years. When the moment finally came that I first saw you and held you in my arms, I knew a miracle had happened. Never before had I felt so close to God and I thanked Him for blessing me with such a beautiful, sweet, healthy baby girl. The day will come that you will experience the joy that I felt at that moment, Sweetheart. How I wished your Daddy could have been home to share in the wonder of your birth. He was so many miles across the sea… on a ship in Naples, Italy, and learned of your arrival by telegram. You met your Daddy when you were 23 days old, upon his return home from a six month deployment to the Mediterranean Sea on the U.S.S. Saratoga.

November 1982

Over a year and a half has passed since I began this letter Darling. Hard as I tried to finish it, the words wouldn’t come. Tonight I felt compelled to write some more. They say everything happens in its proper time. This must be the proper time. So, in continuation, I begin again.

Nearly 22 years have passed since your birth. We’ve shared so much in these years, a lot of joy and some sorrow too. Such is the way of life.

I had so many hopes and dreams for you. Like any other Mother, I always wanted the best for you. But, I had to learn that you had to have your own hopes and dreams. Parents should love and guide their children, but we can’t dictate the direction they should take.

We’ve had a beautiful relationship, you and I. You’ve been the best daughter a mother could ask for and I’m doubly blessed because you are also my dearest friend.

In the last few months, as I’ve watched you progress through your pregnancy, I remember so vividly the months I carried you under my heart, and somehow I feel closer to your than ever before. I guess we’ve reached a new plateau. We’ve been mother and daughter and friends, and now we’re mothers together. It’s a new depth of feeling, a new level of understanding and such a great sense of pride.

I wonder about the plans and dreams you have for this little one to come, and pray you too will have the strength and wisdom one day to realize they are yours, not his or hers. I pray that through the years of trial and errors, joys and sorrows, you will be the best parents you know how to be. Always have faith in God and in each other and life will be good to you.

Being a Mother was not always easy. I wanted to be the best mother in the whole world, but I wasn’t. I did the best I knew how to do and I know you loved me anyway. I’m still not perfect, but I know I’ll be the BEST GRANDMA in the world. It’ll be easy. You two have all the responsibilities and all I’ll have to do is love him.

So… now I have to wait, very impatiently, I might add, for two more months to see what we will have. Who are you carrying under your heart my Darling Laurie? Is it mommy’s and grandma’s little angel or David’s and grandpa’s little buddy?

Even now I have questions… they’re endless, it seems. We’re at the threshold of a new plateau in our lives. Can I love you more? Can my pride in you be greater? Can I be more overwhelmed by the birth of your baby than I was at the birth of my own babies? I suppose the answer could be yes. Soon, I’ll know.

Before I close this, Laurie, I want to say Thank You from the bottom of my heart. Thank You for being who you are, for loving me, for being my friend. Thank you for your patience and understanding during the times of trouble. There were times we almost reversed roles. But, we made it. We grew up together.

I love you,

Mommy

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MOTHER’S DAY 1983

Mom,

I was going to start this letter with “Dear,” just like any other, but this isn’t just any other letter. Besides, “Dear” really doesn’t seem to have any special meaning anymore. You use it because everyone else does and who can come up with anything better?

I have a million things to say to you and can’t think of one. Maybe I just don’t know where to start!

I keep thinking about the night I called you from the hospital after Justin was born.

Now I know. I know why you worried, why you care the way you do, why you hate letting go, the reason you cry for “dumb” reasons. I understand the tears and far away look in your eyes when you look at one of your babies. I’m scared. I pray to God I don’t make any foolish mistakes, that I can raise Justin half as well as you did the three of us.

It amazes me the way a tiny person can change lives. Happiness, love, closeness, responsibility, respect, worry, age, wonderment and so many other emotions seem to flood my mind just looking at his precious little face. And you thought at one time that I’d never know the feeling you got when you looked at me. After all, how can this child, who can’t speak or even understand English yet, know what an adult is feeling. God did His homework, didn’t He? I had always heard that children open doors to new worlds, that they renew our senses to a world that we take for granted. It’s amazing. I’m looking forward to his questions. Lying in the grass watching the clouds and stars… Discussing bugs and birds and trees…

I used to get upset when I heard news of babies being abandoned or killed. Now I cry and feel pain. I’ve changed. It’s a wonderful change though, even though I know there are going to be times when I’ll be scared or hurt.

I hope Justin and David and I can have the kind of relationship that you have with Bob, Rick and me. I can’t thank you enough for that.

We have had a lot of fun together. We’ve had some rough times, too, but we always seem to weather the storm. Now we seem to be having the old fun again. The hysterical laughing about stupid things like sex and “eyebaws”... And, no matter what, we always made a good team; weird and wonderful, strange and unique...

Thank you for always being there. Always… no matter what, no matter when or where... I can’t tell you how much it means to me to know that you are behind me, always. You got me through times that were rougher than you’ll ever know! When I look back, (which is very rarely anymore), I feel not guilty or ashamed, but instead, accomplished. I owe a lot of it to you for letting me stand on my own. Sometimes I regret growing up too soon (I wouldn’t recommend it to just anyone), but I’m okay.

I suppose it was all for a very good reason. Now I have someone to lay all this wise and wonderful stuff on. Just my luck he’ll be like me. Instead of listening and steering clear, he’ll head straight into the middle of it. Learn the hard way. TRADITION!!!

Did you get butterflies, giggles, tears in your eyes and the urge to squeeze me to pieces once in a while? And all at the same time too!!!

I think what all these words add up to is that you are a wonderful person, a best friend and as perfect a Mom as anyone could ever be. I’m glad I turned out to be the only little girl. I would have hated sharing you, and our shopping sprees, late night discussions, everything. Thank you…

May God bless and keep you, Mommy.

I love you,

Laurie

P.S. Happy Mother’s Day “Dear One.”