Fifty & Furthermore

Tantric sex is a method of intimacy that focuses on an increased spiritual awareness and erotic energy. It can be practiced alone, or with a lover. Think of Tantric Sex as a dance with no beginning and no end. There is no rush to the finish line; it is meditative, expressive, creative and intimate. Tantric [...]

The Mystery Disease That Would Define a Generation

By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From YourTango.com

30 years ago a doctor was confounded by symptoms he had never seen before. Cutting to the chase, he is credited with labeling the first AIDS case in America for what it was: a horrifyingly carnivorous disease that took thousands of lives, initially mostly homosexuals, and started a revolution. Not only did AIDS research begin in earnest and result in life-saving gains, but same-sex partners pioneered health care breakthroughs that benefited a nation. It also paved the way for a previously underground and shamed generation of LBGT’s to open their closet doors, leave their shadowed existence with their heads held high (well in most states) and walk, work and live productively and lovingly among the rest of us.

But the challenge is far from over. Though great strides have been made to educate and provide support to this previously hidden population of young men and women, paradoxically, it’s now parents and even grandparents who have become the silent secret sufferers between the sheets. The world has flipped and now it’s mom, dad, grandma Lizzy and grandpa Luke who are at greatest risk.

Condoms make a huge difference, but the older generation still thinks condoms are for procreation protection. Also, they have now become a new generation of daters filled with sex-sublimation and shame.

Whoever thought that sexy seniors, once judgmental of the young, would be the fastest growing population in the nation to contract HIV/AIDS and other STDs?

Men and women who are new to the dating scene are most at risk, and those suffering memory loss in retirement villages and nursing homes experience only a lack of inhibition, not desire or activity.

30 years later we have a new closet to open. One that is full of secrets that need to be shouted out loud. We need safe sex education for those least aware and most at risk–our venerated elders who, thankfully, remain sexy after all these years. A sexy, savvy senior myself, I plead on the behalf of all other seniors that we educate. Educate their grown children. Educate those afraid of the legal system. Educate America. Sex is our life-long birthright. Let’s use it and not lose it to disease.

Link: http://www.yourtango.com/201178293/mystery-disease-would-define-generation

Q&A With Dr. Dorree Lynn

By Susan Johnson & Dr. Dorree Lynn
From GUS!

Listen in as Susan Johnson, editor of Gus! magazine, talks sex ~ and more ~ with Dr. Dorree Lynn

Susan~ We are very excited that you have agreed to kick off our River House Speaker Series! You are considered to be a ‘pioneer’ when it comes to changing the perception of aging in this country. If you could choose just one bit of information that you would like people to know about you, what would that be?

Dr. Dorree Lynn ~ That it is important for each of us to realize that we can all be ‘pioneers’ who can successfully change the concept of aging in America!

Susan~ How about some background information?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ I’ll be turning 70 this summer and I have a 50-year-old daughter! And while I will admit to a bit of cosmetic surgery, for the most part I practice and try to teach the benefits of living a healthy life! I take Yoga and Pilates and eat all the healthful foods. Because I come from a generation where turning 40 meant gaining weight and becoming unattractive and dull, I kept re-inventing myself, which made every life stage very exciting. We all age and we do lose some of our physical abilities but we gain wisdom and a sense of process. Our ability to teach and give back can more than compensate for any declines. There is no longer any age where one can be put out and forgotten…we all have so much to mentor and to teach. It’s unfortunate that many older people feel invisible and forget how much they have to contribute.

Susan~ Our society tends to group people according to age…20’s, 30’s, 40’s, etc. Until we reach 50 and then it’s simply…50 and over! Why? Are the changes that occur over
each decade in the years between 50 and 100 so insignificant that they can be generalized in that way?

Dr. Doree Lynn: ~ Developmental stages at 50,60 70 and 80 are different issues…to ‘sage’ well we need to pay attention, take seriously and learn how to deal with the challenges of each developmental stage.  For example, one prevailing myth in America is that older people are more depressed than younger people but the majority of studies show that that is not the case.  People who have reached the age of 60 or 70 have a certain perspective on life and have learned to roll with the punches…every issue is not a dramatic experience. Providing they have good relationships, community involvement and are not isolated, they are actually more happy than their younger counterparts.

Susan ~ Why is there such a disparity between our apparent willingness to have sex and our reluctance to have a conversation about sex?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ My generation grew up when words like menopause weren’t even mentioned. Most of us in this demographic are not accustomed to hearing or seeing words that have a sexual meaning. Even the medical profession perpetuates this issue because young health care providers won’t ask older people about their sex life. They feel as if they are talking to their parents about sex. And the older practitioners are of the same era as their patients so don’t feel comfortable talking about it.

Susan ~ One of the most disturbing and recent statistics that plays into this lack of communication is the rise of STD’s.

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes, unfortunately the over-50 female is in the category that has seen the greatest increase in sexually transmitted diseases. This is because most people in that age group associate the use of condoms with pregnancy prevention and not with disease protection. And again, there is a reluctance to discuss these issues even within the
medical profession itself.

Susan ~ Is it really more about intimacy than sex? And what are we concerned with in our 60’s that we may not have thought about in our 20’s?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ When we seek professional advice regarding sex, we are almost always talking about communication and intimacy…sex is a by-product. Sex is more than the act of intercourse or procreation. It is also about control and surrender; touching, feeling and communicating! A common occurrence is that, once the children leave home, a couple may need to renegotiate their marriage but have no idea how to do that. I like to say that there is no such thing as a monogamous marriage, which always surprises people! But what I mean is that everyone needs to learn to have different types of relationships with the same person. And almost 50% of those over 50 are dating but don’t have the tools for a functional relationship. Everyone changes and everyone needs to learn to communicate these changes.

Susan o you have some communication techniques that you could suggest?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes! Location, location, location!  The last place to talk about intimacy issues is the bedroom. It is a high anxiety place for men in particular and
women often become reserved and shy. And when you talk, don’t start immediately with you innermost thoughts. Another tip would be to explore! One of the advantages of
getting older is that everything slows down and there is time to explore who they are becoming or who they have become. Investigate how to tolerate more intimacy and enjoy
the process without focusing so much on the goal.  We see our partners in their bathrobes or sweats and forget this person with whom we’ve chosen to spend our lives.  Have a
mid-week date night where you just walk, sit and have a glass of wine or cup of tea. People who share activities and conversation bond with better intimacy.

Susan ~ Let’s talk about Viagra!

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Chemical aides for both women and men are highly overrated for the following reasons. It has been statistically proven that about 40% of men who use Viagra
ultimately give it up. People also forget that without desire, Viagra won’t work. Almost one half of the people who say they are taking Viagra or want to take Viagra, can’t take it
due to it’s interactions with other medications. And unfortunately, Viagra is in use among young people who are not sexually dysfunctional so the statistics are misleading and
inaccurate.

Susan ~ How does menopause affect women…and does it happen to men?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Women experience menopause as a direct physical event that they have to deal with. Men, on the other hand, have a slow decline with no one to tell them
what’s happening and so they look around for support and it can be a very frightening time. Men are traditionally more goal oriented and don’t have the skills to bond. Sadly, the second highest suicide rate after young African American males are older, single men.

Susan ~ What about a general ‘tip’ that can immediately improve a person’s sex life?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ The brain is the biggest sex organ…it’s attitude that makes the difference.

The world of sexual aids is broken down into two categories:  Toys and Tools.  Men use toys, women use tools.  This theory transcends sexual aids.  Men love their toys, whether it’s cars, boats, video games, men love to play.  Women, however, approach the idea of sexual aids in the same way soldiers approach objectives on a battlefield.  For the sake of humor, let’s call it “Operation Orgasm.”

Walk into any sex store and peruse the walls and aisles looking at which products are designed for which sex.  For men, you’ll find penis rings, sleeves, pumps, lubes, and plastic vaginas (if you venture into the gay area you can find anal toys ranging from beginner to expert, with “training kits” somewhere in between).

But if you go looking for products for women, you’ll find the intersection of science and sexuality.  Products that seem to have been designed on the Starship Enterprise fill the walls and, often times, you have to cock your head to the side and use a little imagination in order to fully understand what the item is and how it is suppose to be used.

You may find items in a sex store that are designed to do things that aren’t humanly possible.  Which is exactly my point.  Because men are task-oriented, products for men are designed to be toys that “simulate” normal sexual experiences, whereas products for women are designed to be tools that “supplement” sex/masturbation by doing what a penis (or the man attached to it) simply cannot do.

Take the Rabbit for example.  It’s a vibrator on steroids, complete with an extra appendage designed to stimulate the clitoris and beads on the inside of the fake phallus that rotate, all the while vibrating at 2,500 RPMs.  A former client of mine once complained, “How am I supposed to compete with that?  I can’t put a motor in my penis… I’ve talked to the Dr. and it can’t be done!”

So the question becomes, “What do we do with this information?”  Let’s start by accepting the facts, and then move on to incorporating those facts into our sexual experiences.  I’ve long been an advocate for sexual aids, especially for those over 50.  We use hearing aids, walkers, and vitamins, why not use a vibrator or a Fleshlight once in a while?  That’s actually part of what makes sex after 50 so great—we’ve lived long enough that we should be comfortable with sex, and at the same time we should have become bored enough with regular sex that we’re willing to kick it up a notch and try something new.  The orgasm shouldn’t be the goal, but rather the journey to the orgasm… the giving of pleasure by one partner to the other, even if that means using a toy or utilizing a tool to get you where you want to be.

Men Have Toys, Women Have Tools

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Growing Old vs. Growing Up
Wrinkles, wisdom…and sex that’s better than ever!

By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From Grand Magazine 05/06 2011

Click to see screenshot from GrandMagazine online.

Are you grown-up but don’t feel old? Does the image in your mirror look like your parents? Does your butt sag? Does your outside image feel out of kilter with how you feel inside? Do you as a grandparent have sex? Surrounded by a youth-oriented culture, we may consider the whole question of growing up vs. growing old befuddling at times, especially the issues around sex. According to statistics, many more grands are busy “doing it” than their children and society at large want to believe.

Children of all ages, even grown-up ones, still seem prone to the “yuck” factor when they think of their parents or otherwise elders making love. At what age do grownups have to grow up? Since we are living longer than ever before in U.S. history, we are pioneers forging new paths and definitions about what it means to be “grown-up.” We may be grown-up, but most of us are no longer old in the ways associated with those generations who’ve preceded us. We’ve earned our wrinkles and wisdom and we possess our own semi secret: For many in our generation sex is better than ever. Grownup, YES! Old in the traditional sense, NO!

There is a difference between growing up and growing old. 60 is not the new 40, 70 is not the new 50, 80 is not the new 60, etc. We are precisely the age we are, only in a new way. Do we really want the acne, identity crisis and awkwardness of youth all over again? Haven’t we already done that? We are a new definition of active elders, precisely our chronological age, but for the first time in history we are busy with encore careers, still having sex and continually breaking the stereotype and stultifying definitions of “old.” These are our Bonus Years, and we have so much livin’ and lovin’ to offer.

With more than 78 million baby boomers emerging into the latter years of their lives, soon those of us over 50 will be the majority of the population. Thus, it is no surprise that we see Gran Lucy dressing any way she wishes and Granddad Luke attired like a retired ballplayer. Are you a Granny who doesn’t wear granny panties or a Grandpa insisting on driving his own cool automobile? Or, perhaps you are mentoring others or newly pursuing a lifelong dream? Join the crowd. You are part of our new generation leading those who will follow into new possibilities. Yes, we may have a few more aches and getting out of bed may take a bit more time, but gray hair or dyed, wrinkles proudly worn or a bit of Botox here or there, we are grown-ups in the process of redefining what it is to grow old.

I’m in my late 60s. I’ve been married, divorced, a single working mom and remarried, and along the way I’ve become Mom and Grand Mom to my thoroughly modern “tribe” comprised of a multi-ethnic, multi-religious extended family of children, stepchildren and grandchildren spread throughout the country. I love my work, travel, have endless curiosity and interests, keep fit with yoga and Pilates, try to eat well, and, yes, my husband and I still have sex. Old? The years continue to add up, but old the way my parents and grandparents were at the same age? Not me. Nor are you. Neither are any of us dancing our way down the backside of the hill.

Dr. Dorree Lynn is a Georgetown-based psychologist and life coach committed to helping people have better relationships & fulfilling sex lives. She has appeared on Good Morning America, MSNBC, CNN, PBS and other major programming. She is the author of Sex for Grownups. You can follow Dr. Lynn and ask questions on her website, DrDorreeLynn.com.

Link: http://www.grandmagazine.com/article.asp?id=481

Where there

If you’re reading Fifty and Furthermore, mellowing into fine wine, you’ve no doubt had a passing thought or two about writing down some of your life experiences. Sometimes called a memoir. If so, we should probably think about writing it sooner rather than

For six years I was the guardian of the gate for our local Catholic church here in Iowa. A parish secretary’s job is not easy, but it can be very rewarding. Unfortunately, everything you do is scrutinized closely by the congregation. If you have a second job, perhaps you might think twice before allowing anyone to know what you do in your spare time. It can cause you headaches you don’t need.
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In a previous article, I let you in on a secret. Who writes erotica? Older women! Now to help back up my words as well as let you in on a whole bunch of interesting authors you may have missed by reading only the