Fifty & Furthermore

Never Forget That YOU Are a Catch!

Do you ever stop and think that right now, right this very second, that there is someone out there looking for you?  Someone whom you could like, maybe even love, is wondering where in the world you are.  You, just as you are right now, are exactly who he or she would like to get to know.  Stop thinking about how you’ve changed or thinned or spread or wrinkled or what you don’t like about yourself. (Everyone has a favorite negative body part or quality than they can spend hours obsessing about). Focus on the positive.  Shifting your attention to your best features, both physical and otherwise, will make you more confident and attractive.  There must be something you like about yourself!  Your eyes? Your easy smile? The sound of your voice?  Your quick intellect, or your sense of humor?  Sure, you may have some low self-esteem issues, but remember, so does everyone else.
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Tantric sex is a method of intimacy that focuses on an increased spiritual awareness and erotic energy. It can be practiced alone, or with a lover. Think of Tantric Sex as a dance with no beginning and no end. There is no rush to the finish line; it is meditative, expressive, creative and intimate. Tantric [...]

She’s a Kennedy for Cryin’ Out Loud!

By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From YourTango.com

Link: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-dorree-lynn/shes-kennedy-cryin-out-loud

Q&A With Dr. Dorree Lynn

By Susan Johnson & Dr. Dorree Lynn
From GUS!

Listen in as Susan Johnson, editor of Gus! magazine, talks sex ~ and more ~ with Dr. Dorree Lynn

Susan~ We are very excited that you have agreed to kick off our River House Speaker Series! You are considered to be a ‘pioneer’ when it comes to changing the perception of aging in this country. If you could choose just one bit of information that you would like people to know about you, what would that be?

Dr. Dorree Lynn ~ That it is important for each of us to realize that we can all be ‘pioneers’ who can successfully change the concept of aging in America!

Susan~ How about some background information?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ I’ll be turning 70 this summer and I have a 50-year-old daughter! And while I will admit to a bit of cosmetic surgery, for the most part I practice and try to teach the benefits of living a healthy life! I take Yoga and Pilates and eat all the healthful foods. Because I come from a generation where turning 40 meant gaining weight and becoming unattractive and dull, I kept re-inventing myself, which made every life stage very exciting. We all age and we do lose some of our physical abilities but we gain wisdom and a sense of process. Our ability to teach and give back can more than compensate for any declines. There is no longer any age where one can be put out and forgotten…we all have so much to mentor and to teach. It’s unfortunate that many older people feel invisible and forget how much they have to contribute.

Susan~ Our society tends to group people according to age…20’s, 30’s, 40’s, etc. Until we reach 50 and then it’s simply…50 and over! Why? Are the changes that occur over
each decade in the years between 50 and 100 so insignificant that they can be generalized in that way?

Dr. Doree Lynn: ~ Developmental stages at 50,60 70 and 80 are different issues…to ‘sage’ well we need to pay attention, take seriously and learn how to deal with the challenges of each developmental stage.  For example, one prevailing myth in America is that older people are more depressed than younger people but the majority of studies show that that is not the case.  People who have reached the age of 60 or 70 have a certain perspective on life and have learned to roll with the punches…every issue is not a dramatic experience. Providing they have good relationships, community involvement and are not isolated, they are actually more happy than their younger counterparts.

Susan ~ Why is there such a disparity between our apparent willingness to have sex and our reluctance to have a conversation about sex?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ My generation grew up when words like menopause weren’t even mentioned. Most of us in this demographic are not accustomed to hearing or seeing words that have a sexual meaning. Even the medical profession perpetuates this issue because young health care providers won’t ask older people about their sex life. They feel as if they are talking to their parents about sex. And the older practitioners are of the same era as their patients so don’t feel comfortable talking about it.

Susan ~ One of the most disturbing and recent statistics that plays into this lack of communication is the rise of STD’s.

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes, unfortunately the over-50 female is in the category that has seen the greatest increase in sexually transmitted diseases. This is because most people in that age group associate the use of condoms with pregnancy prevention and not with disease protection. And again, there is a reluctance to discuss these issues even within the
medical profession itself.

Susan ~ Is it really more about intimacy than sex? And what are we concerned with in our 60’s that we may not have thought about in our 20’s?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ When we seek professional advice regarding sex, we are almost always talking about communication and intimacy…sex is a by-product. Sex is more than the act of intercourse or procreation. It is also about control and surrender; touching, feeling and communicating! A common occurrence is that, once the children leave home, a couple may need to renegotiate their marriage but have no idea how to do that. I like to say that there is no such thing as a monogamous marriage, which always surprises people! But what I mean is that everyone needs to learn to have different types of relationships with the same person. And almost 50% of those over 50 are dating but don’t have the tools for a functional relationship. Everyone changes and everyone needs to learn to communicate these changes.

Susan o you have some communication techniques that you could suggest?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes! Location, location, location!  The last place to talk about intimacy issues is the bedroom. It is a high anxiety place for men in particular and
women often become reserved and shy. And when you talk, don’t start immediately with you innermost thoughts. Another tip would be to explore! One of the advantages of
getting older is that everything slows down and there is time to explore who they are becoming or who they have become. Investigate how to tolerate more intimacy and enjoy
the process without focusing so much on the goal.  We see our partners in their bathrobes or sweats and forget this person with whom we’ve chosen to spend our lives.  Have a
mid-week date night where you just walk, sit and have a glass of wine or cup of tea. People who share activities and conversation bond with better intimacy.

Susan ~ Let’s talk about Viagra!

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Chemical aides for both women and men are highly overrated for the following reasons. It has been statistically proven that about 40% of men who use Viagra
ultimately give it up. People also forget that without desire, Viagra won’t work. Almost one half of the people who say they are taking Viagra or want to take Viagra, can’t take it
due to it’s interactions with other medications. And unfortunately, Viagra is in use among young people who are not sexually dysfunctional so the statistics are misleading and
inaccurate.

Susan ~ How does menopause affect women…and does it happen to men?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Women experience menopause as a direct physical event that they have to deal with. Men, on the other hand, have a slow decline with no one to tell them
what’s happening and so they look around for support and it can be a very frightening time. Men are traditionally more goal oriented and don’t have the skills to bond. Sadly, the second highest suicide rate after young African American males are older, single men.

Susan ~ What about a general ‘tip’ that can immediately improve a person’s sex life?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ The brain is the biggest sex organ…it’s attitude that makes the difference.

The Lovely Dr. Dorree Lynn

By Risha Linda
From Upbeat Senior Magazine 10.01.10

A Letter I Wish My Father Could Have Read

by Dr. Dorree Lynn
From VibrantNation.com 06.20.11

Dear Dad,

You’ve been gone so many years, I can barely remember the number. Now, it is my children and grandchildren who call or write my husband or myself on these special occasions. How I wish you and I could speak in person now. With added years and understanding, I miss you more than ever. As we both acknowledged, you were not a present or very aware dad. It was another era. You and mom had issues of your own that, as a child, I couldn’t understand. All I knew was that I was often angry at your being gone, including during the war years, and that I adored you when I heard you speak. You had a voice that could mesmerize an audience.

I cherished those Saturday mornings we spent together and the baseball games we went to. Even then I understood you really wanted a son and had no idea what to do with a daughter. So, I learned “boy things,” especially to love the game, know every Yankee, Dodger and Giant player by name and though, at six, seven and eight I desperately needed that 7th inning stretch, I never moved from your side, my small hand grasping your larger one for protection. My favorite memory remains the times after the game when we would secretly stop for banana splits, just the two of us, and eat every last bite. It was our special secret that we agreed never to tell Mom.

Our relationship was far from easy and as a teenager I understand what a handful I was. A young girl of that era wasn’t raised to travel to far away places the way I did, make decisions that went against your wishes and dent more than one car as I insisted on driving independently.  It is now after being a parent myself that I understand what a challenging young woman I was to raise. With a grandmother’s perspective I can say with Judy Collins I can see, “life from both sides now.”

One special gift that you gave me remains with me to this day. When I left my first marriage after many years, the first in our family to choose divorce, you reached out to me and said, “I know you are in turmoil, what can I do?” We sat for three days and talked adult to adult. Together, we shared secrets, laughed and cried. Finally we agreed that no, you hadn’t been the best father in the world. But, I answered your question and said, “You can be the best grandfather you can be.” As the younger generation now says, “You were awesome!” I will always be grateful for that.

I love you,

Dorree

Link: http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/dr-dorree-lynn/a-letter-i-wish-my-father-could-have-read/

Tagged with ache, audience, banana split, baseball, child, dad, daughter, decision, divorce, dodger, Dr. Dorree Lynn, Eat, family, father, Father’s day, giant, grandchildren, grandfather, grandmother, judy collins, life, love, marriage, memory, Now, parent, present, rat, teenager, time, travel, yankee.

Dear Dad,

You’ve been gone so many years, I can barely remember the number. Now, it is my children and grandchildren who call or write my husband or myself on these special occasions. How I wish you and I could speak in person now. With added years and understanding, I miss you more than ever. As we both acknowledged, you were not a present or very aware dad. It was another era. You and mom had issues of your own that, as a child, I couldn’t understand. All I knew was that I was often angry at your being gone, including during the war years, and that I adored you when I heard you speak. You had a voice that could mesmerize an audience.

I cherished those Saturday mornings we spent together and the baseball games we went to. Even then I understood you really wanted a son and had no idea what to do with a daughter. So, I learned “boy things,” especially to love the game, know every Yankee, Dodger and Giant player by name and though, at six, seven and eight I desperately needed that 7th inning stretch, I never moved from your side, my small hand grasping your larger one for protection. My favorite memory remains the times after the game when we would secretly stop for banana splits, just the two of us, and eat every last bite. It was our special secret that we agreed never to tell Mom.

Our relationship was far from easy and as a teenager I understand what a handful I was. A young girl of that era wasn’t raised to travel to far away places the way I did, make decisions that went against your wishes and dent more than one car as I insisted on driving independently.  It is now after being a parent myself that I understand what a challenging young woman I was to raise. With a grandmother’s perspective I can say with Judy Collins I can see, “life from both sides now.”

One special gift that you gave me remains with me to this day. When I left my first marriage after many years, the first in our family to choose divorce, you reached out to me and said, “I know you are in turmoil, what can I do?” We sat for three days and talked adult to adult. Together, we shared secrets, laughed and cried. Finally we agreed that no, you hadn’t been the best father in the world. But, I answered your question and said, “You can be the best grandfather you can be.” As the younger generation now says, “You were awesome!” I will always be grateful for that.

I love you,

Dorree

Affairs Don’t End Marriages

I recently ran into an old friend with whom I had not spoken in several years.  When I asked, “How’s your wife?  Is she still teaching?” he replied, “We divorced after I caught her having an affair.”  I thought to myself, “WHY???” I’m not promoting infidelity and adultery.  Let’s get that straight first.  But I do want to shed light on the fact that statistically affairs are rarely the reason marriages break up–married people in married trouble do.  What I mean is, when people turn away from their marriage to fulfill a need, it can be due to many reasons, including, but not necessarily, because that need is not being satisfied within the marriage.  Most often, communication verbally and in the bedroom is at a dead end.  The acknowledgement of an affair can be a catalyst break through, if, and only if both parties deal with the underlying causes and unaddressed issues, sometimes with professional help.

If both partners still love each other, an affair can open the door to communication that wasn’t there before.  Will there always be a scar?  Probably.  However, with time forgiveness is possible.  I remember well what one of my clients told me in the wake of her husband’s infidelity.  For the sake of her marriage and her children, she decided to stay with her husband and work things out.  When I inquired as to her reasoning, she said, “What he did was wrong. What he did was a violation of the vows we took before God.  But we both vowed to love and support one another, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.  Now don’t get me wrong, I wanted to kill him right then and there, but I realized something important: just because he did what he did not mean that he had stopped loving me.  We had drifted apart.  Yes, I believe he cared for the other woman, and I was jealous and untrusting for several years.  But, I actually believe that once we decided to address our previously ignored issues, our marriage got better.  We had gotten lazy about loving.”

Granted, things don’t always work out so well. But it’s important to realize that with attention to the facts, and if love and determination exist, affairs–as searingly painful as they can be–can actually provide opportunities to strengthen a relationship.  Sometimes!!!

Link: http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/dr-dorree-lynn/affairs-dont-end-marriages/