May 1st, 2012 § Comments Off § permalink
By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From Grand Magazine 05/06 2012
Click the screen shot of Dr. Dorree’s article in Grand Magazine to Read it Online
Back in the dating scene and feeling a bit outnumbered and overwhelmed? RELAX! Step One: Breathe. Step Two: Don’t panic! This isn’t going to be as horrible of an experience as you think. This is an exciting adventure! » Read the rest of this entry «
September 28th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
Porn is one of those concepts that evokes immediate reactions, pro or con, sometimes sending otherwise seemingly sane people into screaming fits. In my view, Porn, as with everything else sexual, is in itself neither good nor bad. When one is addicted to Porn to the exclusion of the ability to have a relationship, or uses is to hurt others, obviously it’s not one of my top ten picks for your road to health. However, when used mutually by two consulting adults, it can help heat up your sex life and keep that oh so elusive long-term intimacy alive. » Read the rest of this entry «
September 28th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
Do you ever stop and think that right now, right this very second, that there is someone out there looking for you? Someone whom you could like, maybe even love, is wondering where in the world you are. You, just as you are right now, are exactly who he or she would like to get to know. Stop thinking about how you’ve changed or thinned or spread or wrinkled or what you don’t like about yourself. (Everyone has a favorite negative body part or quality than they can spend hours obsessing about). Focus on the positive. Shifting your attention to your best features, both physical and otherwise, will make you more confident and attractive. There must be something you like about yourself! Your eyes? Your easy smile? The sound of your voice? Your quick intellect, or your sense of humor? Sure, you may have some low self-esteem issues, but remember, so does everyone else.
» Read the rest of this entry «
August 24th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
And even though they raised the debt ceiling, options are still limited!
By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From The Georgetowner 08.24.11
Living in DC is a lot like living under a rock and living in the public eye, all at once. It’s 8 square miles surrounded by reality and brimming with some of the most talented people in the world. And while many of the people in DC are definitely boyfriend/girlfriend material, finding the one that’s right for you is possible but not necessarily easy.
The catch is that most of the people in this city are so focused, so business minded, and so dedicated to their jobs that they rarely have opportunities to get out and socialize. Not to mention the fact that, because of the nature of some of the occupations in this city, some people can’t/don’t drink in order to not get sloshed enough to spill national security secrets. In some cases just being seen out in social bar-type environments can be detrimental to one’s public image (we won’t even discuss the risk of being caught tweeting pictures or cruising Craigslist!).
Now, not everyone in DC has a public image. I’d imagine that half of the staffers and interns on the hill can be found on U St. or H St. or prancing around Dupont Circle in the late hours, and you’d never know who they were or what they did. But generally speaking, at least 80% of the people in this city are quality people, even though they may be hard to find at times.
Like a strong company looking to hire the perfect employee, there is someone out there looking for someone like you. The downside is the same for both dating and job hunting: competition is fierce and you may have to go through a lot of interviews before you land that dream job…I mean boyfriend/girlfriend.
The keys to finding the perfect partner are the same you would use to find the perfect job: dress for success, get your name out there, and call in favors from friends. Also, do what you love to do and you’ll meet people with similar interests. If you like to bike then join a bike group, if you enjoy museums then visit museums, etc.
Start by meeting new people, even if just for fun. There are TONS of online resources for groups to join and things to do in this fabulous city. Ask your friends and coworkers for suggestions on social events, happy hours, and networking opportunities. And don’t be afraid to start a conversation with someone at the grocery store or on the Metro. Your two-second interaction could lead to dinner and a bottle of wine!
Dr. Dorree Lynn is a psychologist and life coach committed to helping people have better relationships & fulfilling sex lives. Dr. Lynn is a contributing author for The Georgetowner, AARP’s “Sexpert” and has appeared on “Good Morning America,” MSNBC, CNN, PBS, & other national programming. Her book, “Sex for Grownups” is available on Amazon. Follow Dr. Dorree Lynn online: www.DrDorreeLynn.com www.Facebook.com/DrDorreeLynn
August 18th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
August 17th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
You’re aging, but you’re still alive, says psychologist.
Getting older is no excuse for not having sex, Dorree Lynn likes to say. And not just any sex – but mind-blowing, great sex. Different from when you were young and spry, sure, but just as good as way back then.With that kind of message, it’s no wonder Lynn has carved a niche for herself on TV, radio and the Internet, in magazines, as an author and as a self-described “sexpert” and relationships expert for the AARP.
She moved to Jacksonville recently from Washington, D.C., after falling for the Southern charm of attorney Isaac Levy, whom she married. She’s still getting used to it: having to drive everywhere, and noticing an elective-surgery option popular in the area. “I’ve never seen so many grapefruits on women! For me, from the North, that was a shock.”
Lynn is forthright, clearly. That’s required, of course, when you’re someone in her position. So she doesn’t hesitate to say that she turned 70 last week. But, chic in a purple top and white pants, she doesn’t look it.
“I tell people it’s not all cosmetic surgery. Not that I haven’t had a touch here and there. But it’s been a lot of yoga, pilates. I’ve been a quasi-vegetarian for 40 years.”
Lynn is a psychologist with a long-running practice in D.C. that she still keeps going with frequent trips to see her clients (“senators, media people, people who are in the White House all the time”).
In 2000, she branched out and wrote a book, “Getting Sane Without Going Crazy.” “A terrible book,” she notes.
She also began showing up on TV shows, where her quotable ways were prized.
“I became kind of the crisis queen. Columbine, anthrax, Timothy McVeigh, whoever it was who dumped her kids in the water – somehow that became my expertise. I can’t even remember all the horrible things.”
She liked being on TV, but grew tired of the subject matter. “I really did not like three minutes of analysis on world issues. It seemed puerile.”
Now she specializes in a more satisfying topic: getting older gracefully. Among other places, she appears on an AARP program, “My Generation,” and runs a website called www.fiftyandfurthermore.com.
The subject is often sex. Older sex, with all its challenges and rewards.
Lynn is serious about it: An active sex life can be a strong leading indicator of a good relationship. And isn’t that, she says, something everyone deserves?
Relationships, after all, are worth working on: “We change. Marriages need renegotiation,” she says. “The minute communication stops, sex stops.”
She doesn’t mince words as she delves into that topic, delivering provocative lines with a smile.
As people get older, arthritic knees or elbows can hurt, she said, and big bellies can get in the way. So try other positions than the standard missionary, she suggests. And in her new book, “Sex for Grownups” (Health Communications Inc.), those suggestions are complemented with line drawings.
She continues: “By the way, vibrators are great. The older population is the largest buyer. … And those massagers we see in Target and Walmart? We know what they’re about.”
She chuckles. “And those high heels that are too hard to walk in? They don’t hurt when you’re lying in bed.”
Lynn, in her book and in conversation, urges couples to become more adventurous, if they care to, in their sex life. But she draws the line at Internet porn. She frowns: “It’s a relationship killer.”
Lynn says that of course menopause complicates sex for women, but men also see testosterone declines as they age, which can lead to performance anxiety. Still, she’s not a fan of those pills that are advertised during football games.
“If you slow down and relax, a lot of what we call erectile dysfunction disappears,” she says.
In the dating world, self-esteem is an issue, often over your looks or the baggage you carry. She gives a pep talk, noting that everybody has issues – almost everyone who reaches a certain age and is single has had some pain in a relationship.
“You have to remember that there is somebody out there looking for you,” Lynn says.
She’s a big believer in Internet dating services. “It’s really smart. What are you going to do? Go to bars?”
Be safe and casual: Meet for lunch or a drink. Go for a bike ride or to a museum. Keep it casual.
Lynn pushes for awareness of one thing that’s often overlooked by older people who are dating: Though there may no longer be the risk of pregnancy, use condoms to protect from sexually transmitted disease. That’s a real issue, she says.
For married couples, she’s a big believer in date nights, where you dress up, get out and talk (but not about kids or parents or illnesses or money troubles).
“We tend to see each other at the end of the day in our sweats and our nightgown. You forget what turned you on in the first place.”
Keeping a relationship and sex life going, she says, takes work, courtesy and communication.
“Foreplay really starts in the morning with an ‘I love you,’ and a phone call during the day.” And she laughs at the joke women tell about men who will empty a dishwasher: Now that is really hot.
Her message on sex for the over-50 crowd centers on accepting who you are, and who your partner is. Sure, you don’t look like you did when you were 20, and you can’t dunk a basketball anymore. “But you have to realize you now have all kinds of new skills,” she says.
Those new skills? They’re called life experience – and it’s a wonderful thing, Lynn says. It can even be sexy.
But you can’t be complacent about getting older: That means getting exercise, having better eating habits and watching what you wear.
So sweat pants are out, right?
“Not good.” Lynn shakes her head. “Life is effort. Why would you think that aging well would come without putting some effort into it?”
July 13th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
Tantric sex is a method of intimacy that focuses on an increased spiritual awareness and erotic energy. It can be practiced alone, or with a lover. Think of Tantric Sex as a dance with no beginning and no end. There is no rush to the finish line; it is meditative, expressive, creative and intimate. Tantric [...]
June 27th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
By Dr Dorree Lynn
From YourTango.com
Wouldn’t it be great to have a crystal ball? Or X-Ray glasses that allowed us to see the truth and the baggage of the person we’re trying to date? In reality, all we can do is work on knowing what we want and pay attention to what another brings to the table. If you’re alert and intuitive, you can tell a lot about the other person in the first hour or so of meeting them, and certainly within the first few dates.Keep in mind that nobody is perfect and we all have our problems. Whoever you’re dating will inevitably have some less-than-desirable personality traits and for sure won’t be the same ones you have. So there will be a few challenges you don’t currently have. On the other hand, you can also have a lot of fun, gain a lot of happiness and comfort you cannot create for yourself just by being alone.
By the time we hit 50, we all have a certain level of baggage…some in Louis Vuitton, some in bargain-bin plastic bags. The trick is finding someone who equally accepts that you have just as much baggage as they do, and is willing to help you carry it along the way.
Link: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-dorree-lynn/girl-im-dating-more-trouble-shes-worth
June 27th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
By Susan Johnson & Dr. Dorree Lynn
From GUS!
Listen in as Susan Johnson, editor of Gus! magazine, talks sex ~ and more ~ with Dr. Dorree Lynn
Susan~ We are very excited that you have agreed to kick off our River House Speaker Series! You are considered to be a ‘pioneer’ when it comes to changing the perception of aging in this country. If you could choose just one bit of information that you would like people to know about you, what would that be?
Dr. Dorree Lynn ~ That it is important for each of us to realize that we can all be ‘pioneers’ who can successfully change the concept of aging in America!
Susan~ How about some background information?
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ I’ll be turning 70 this summer and I have a 50-year-old daughter! And while I will admit to a bit of cosmetic surgery, for the most part I practice and try to teach the benefits of living a healthy life! I take Yoga and Pilates and eat all the healthful foods. Because I come from a generation where turning 40 meant gaining weight and becoming unattractive and dull, I kept re-inventing myself, which made every life stage very exciting. We all age and we do lose some of our physical abilities but we gain wisdom and a sense of process. Our ability to teach and give back can more than compensate for any declines. There is no longer any age where one can be put out and forgotten…we all have so much to mentor and to teach. It’s unfortunate that many older people feel invisible and forget how much they have to contribute.
Susan~ Our society tends to group people according to age…20’s, 30’s, 40’s, etc. Until we reach 50 and then it’s simply…50 and over! Why? Are the changes that occur over
each decade in the years between 50 and 100 so insignificant that they can be generalized in that way?
Dr. Doree Lynn: ~ Developmental stages at 50,60 70 and 80 are different issues…to ‘sage’ well we need to pay attention, take seriously and learn how to deal with the challenges of each developmental stage. For example, one prevailing myth in America is that older people are more depressed than younger people but the majority of studies show that that is not the case. People who have reached the age of 60 or 70 have a certain perspective on life and have learned to roll with the punches…every issue is not a dramatic experience. Providing they have good relationships, community involvement and are not isolated, they are actually more happy than their younger counterparts.
Susan ~ Why is there such a disparity between our apparent willingness to have sex and our reluctance to have a conversation about sex?
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ My generation grew up when words like menopause weren’t even mentioned. Most of us in this demographic are not accustomed to hearing or seeing words that have a sexual meaning. Even the medical profession perpetuates this issue because young health care providers won’t ask older people about their sex life. They feel as if they are talking to their parents about sex. And the older practitioners are of the same era as their patients so don’t feel comfortable talking about it.
Susan ~ One of the most disturbing and recent statistics that plays into this lack of communication is the rise of STD’s.
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes, unfortunately the over-50 female is in the category that has seen the greatest increase in sexually transmitted diseases. This is because most people in that age group associate the use of condoms with pregnancy prevention and not with disease protection. And again, there is a reluctance to discuss these issues even within the
medical profession itself.
Susan ~ Is it really more about intimacy than sex? And what are we concerned with in our 60’s that we may not have thought about in our 20’s?
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ When we seek professional advice regarding sex, we are almost always talking about communication and intimacy…sex is a by-product. Sex is more than the act of intercourse or procreation. It is also about control and surrender; touching, feeling and communicating! A common occurrence is that, once the children leave home, a couple may need to renegotiate their marriage but have no idea how to do that. I like to say that there is no such thing as a monogamous marriage, which always surprises people! But what I mean is that everyone needs to learn to have different types of relationships with the same person. And almost 50% of those over 50 are dating but don’t have the tools for a functional relationship. Everyone changes and everyone needs to learn to communicate these changes.
Susan 
o you have some communication techniques that you could suggest?
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes! Location, location, location! The last place to talk about intimacy issues is the bedroom. It is a high anxiety place for men in particular and
women often become reserved and shy. And when you talk, don’t start immediately with you innermost thoughts. Another tip would be to explore! One of the advantages of
getting older is that everything slows down and there is time to explore who they are becoming or who they have become. Investigate how to tolerate more intimacy and enjoy
the process without focusing so much on the goal. We see our partners in their bathrobes or sweats and forget this person with whom we’ve chosen to spend our lives. Have a
mid-week date night where you just walk, sit and have a glass of wine or cup of tea. People who share activities and conversation bond with better intimacy.
Susan ~ Let’s talk about Viagra!
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Chemical aides for both women and men are highly overrated for the following reasons. It has been statistically proven that about 40% of men who use Viagra
ultimately give it up. People also forget that without desire, Viagra won’t work. Almost one half of the people who say they are taking Viagra or want to take Viagra, can’t take it
due to it’s interactions with other medications. And unfortunately, Viagra is in use among young people who are not sexually dysfunctional so the statistics are misleading and
inaccurate.
Susan ~ How does menopause affect women…and does it happen to men?
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Women experience menopause as a direct physical event that they have to deal with. Men, on the other hand, have a slow decline with no one to tell them
what’s happening and so they look around for support and it can be a very frightening time. Men are traditionally more goal oriented and don’t have the skills to bond. Sadly, the second highest suicide rate after young African American males are older, single men.
Susan ~ What about a general ‘tip’ that can immediately improve a person’s sex life?
Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ The brain is the biggest sex organ…it’s attitude that makes the difference.
June 27th, 2011 § Comments Off § permalink
By Kerry Hannon
From SecondAct.com 11.29.10
Dr. Dorree Lynn is tough to ignore as she dashes across the ballroom at the National Press Club’s recent Book Fair and Authors’ Night in Washington, D.C.
Clad in red leather, Lynn stands out even in a room with celebs like blockbuster biographer Kitty Kelley and Capt. Chesley (Sully) Sullenberger, who safely glided a stricken US Airways jet onto the Hudson River last year.
The petite powerhouse preaches safe sex and passes out condoms packed in plastic wrappers emblazoned with the cover of her latest book, Sex for Grownups. Pushing 70, Lynn is a practicing psychologist, intimacy expert, and life coach with more than 40 years of experience. She refers to herself gleefully as a “sexpert.”
In an interview with SecondAct, Lynn talks about the state of sex after 50 and how to foster creativity and passion in the second half of life.
SA: Do you always pass out condoms?
DL: Yes, I certainly do — to catch everybody’s attention and get the message across. The next batch will glow in the dark.
SA: Why do you do that?
DL: Because the sex secret of the century is that men and women over 50 have the fastest-growing rate of HIV and STDs in the country, according to a study published in the Journal of Sexually Transmitted Infections and AIDS infoNet.
SA: What is the reason for that?
DL: Not just Viagra, which is what a lot of people think. It’s because most of us have grown up in a generation where we think condoms are for not getting pregnant. Only one in five men and one in four women over 50 use condoms, according to a study by the University if Indiana. Very few people realize that if they’re in the dating scene in any kind of nonmonogamous relationship, they are susceptible to an STD and the HIV virus. The STD virus can be in your system for 12 years or longer without a person even knowing it. It’s a big between-the-sheets secret.
SA: Why is talking about sex after 50 taboo? Aren’t we all more mature than that?
DL: More than 80 million American men and women over 50 are facing a number of very common yet rarely talked about challenges in the bedroom — from low libido to unrealistic expectations, from waning hormones to physical limitations, from repressed desires and fantasies to performance anxiety. This is not common cocktail party chitchat.
SA: How can sex over 50 be better than before?
DL: As hormones wane, sensuality gains. With age, everything slows down, and you can learn new techniques. Sex is a process, not just an end goal. So you have a much greater opportunity for intimacy. We are all old enough to remember the Pointer Sisters singing “Slow Hand”… well, it makes a difference, and that’s what’s needed.
SA: What are some things people will be surprised to learn about sex after 50?
DL: Most people don’t realize that the brain is the biggest sex organ. Romance comes from the brain. Sex becomes, for most, less hormone-driven, more desire-driven. Desire starts in the brain, and that’s physiological. If the brain kicks in, the heart pumps. When the heart pumps, the genitals engorge and intercourse can flow. Better thinking, better sex. Many people get stuck in their twentysomething image and don’t realize that they have to change their attitude. If you think sexy, you are sexy.
SA: Your mantra is “use it or lose it.” How do you keep sex alive?
DL: First, I’m a huge believer in a midweek date night between you and your partner where you get out and romanticize one another a bit. Talk about yourselves, each other, interesting issues — not a leaky roof, not who’s sick, problems with the kids or money concerns. We tend to see each other at the end of the day in our sweats and our nightgowns and our pajamas, none of which is very sexy. Getting dressed up and going out is like courting and romance all over again. Second, location. Get out of the bedroom. There is something wonderful about hotel sex, camping sex, uh, kitchen sex…any kind of new experience. Third, communication. Without authentic communication, relationships tend to die.
SA: Why is adjusting to sex after 50 harder for men?
DL: I may be the only woman in America who believes this. Women go through menopause, so they get a physiological as well a psychological wake-up call. They know that their body has changed, and they have to do something to keep their juices flowing. Men go through men-o-morph. Their hormones and their genital equipment change gradually. Men in our society still do not really talk to each other about feelings or physiological changes. Men get a little more pear-shaped. They develop breasts. They don’t say: “Houston, we’ve got a problem.”
SA: What do you mean when you say, “There is no such thing as a long-time monogamous relationship anymore.”
DL: When I say that, people always catch their breath. That doesn’t mean you have to run out and have an affair. What it does mean is that in a long-time relationship, you have to renegotiate the relationship for whom you and your partner have each grown into and how you’ve changed at specific life junctures. One major transition point is often after kids leave home. Couples tend to look at each other and, to quote your wonderful book, say, “What’s next?” It isn’t that you necessarily have to have an affair or leave your relationship, but you do need to put some effort into getting to know yourself and your partner as you each have become. You can have multiple and new relationships with the same partner.
SA: “Laugh yourself sexy.” Explain that.
DL: Laughter can be a great aphrodisiac and an antidote to what ails you. Physiologically it keeps all the good endorphins going. If you laugh a lot and share activities, you have a pretty good shot of doing well in the bedroom. Exercise is also a great aphrodisiac. Studies show it’s more important than what you eat. Remember to leave stress at the bedroom door…and take your thumb off the channel changer.
SA: What if you’re single? What’s the best way to get back into the dating scene?
DL: Understand that you are a catch just the way you are. You need to get out in the world and have fun doing the things you love — not just going out looking for a marriage proposal. If you like movies, nature, cycling, camping, museums, join a group and get going. I can’t tell you how many marriages I know where the lovers have met in museums. They’re wonderful meeting places because you can pretend to look at the paintings and not obviously be looking for each other.
SA: You have a chapter called the “Great Joy Ride.” Sounds kind of wild.
DL: Adult sex toys are more mainstream than ever. I can tell you people over 50 are buying vibrators, dildos, mutually agreed-upon pornography in a kind of revolution. I say go for anything that is a little bit of a surprise, add spice, change positions, and use sex toys with an adventuresome spirit.
Age: 69
Hometown: Originally from New York City; now Washington, D.C., and Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla.
Personal: Married to Isaac. Two grown children; two grandchildren
Education: Ph.D., American University
Interests: yoga, Pilates, reading, theater, travel
Books: co-author of Sex for Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truth, Lies and Must-Tries for Great Sex after 50 (2010); co-author of When the Man You Love is Ill: Doing Your Best for Your Partner Without Losing Yourself (2007)
SecondAct contributor Kerry Hannon is the author of What’s Next? Follow Your Passion and Find Your Dream Job and covers careers, retirement and personal finance issues for a variety of national publications. She is based in Washington, D.C. .
Link: http://www.secondact.com/2010/11/sex-after-50/
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