Fifty & Furthermore

Exercise vs Sexercise

Why going to the bedroom may be healthier than going to the gym

By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From Be Fabulous Magazine 08/09 2011

Common sense tells us that sex is exercise.  By the time you’ve finished you’re (both) hot, sweaty, exhausted, and sometimes you get those day-after muscle pains that make you wonder… then with a flirty flush awareness, you remember.  Researchers around the globe have published numerous reports on the health benefits of sex showing that it decreases stress, boosts the immune system, burns calories, produces good endorphins, and promotes better sleep.  So how does sexercise work and how can I make it work for me?

Physical Health

Sex isn’t just fun, it’s good for your body too!  The act of increasing your heart-rate and exerting energy can lower blood pressure and chances of a heart-attack.  This can mean less stress and a happier state of being.  Sex also releases happy hormones called endorphins that stimulate cells in the immune system, which appears to help ward off cancer, diminish wrinkles, and increase your ability to fight infections.

There’s been recent evidence suggesting that men who ejaculate frequently (5+ times per week) can experience a reduced risk from prostate cancer.  And for women, intercourse and vibrators help keep the vaginal tissues supple.  For both sexes, the simple action “use it or lose it” holds true.

Here’s some calorie counting info for you to think about:  *Calorie count estimation based on range of results from multiple websites

Sexercise

Kissing 60-70 per hour

Sex 80-150 per hour

Oral 80-120 per half hour
Intimate Dancing 80 – 130 per hour

Exercise
Punching Bag 200-250 per half hour

Rowing 100-120 per half hour

Jogging 200-300 per half hour

Yoga 70-95 per half hour

Personally, though I also exercise, I find sexercise more appealing.

Looks & Attitude

Sexercising makes you healthier and happier and positively affects your attitude and the way you look.  Assuming you’re also leading an active lifestyle and consuming a healthy diet, there’s no reason why you can’t expect to notice your skin start to look better, that your hair looks shinier or that you carry an overall positive energy towards life.

Being healthy and active makes you a better employee, a better friend and a better partner because it makes you a better you! Significant studies show that people who are in good long-term relationships, including sexual, tend to live longer and healthier lives.

Good sex is about more than penetration and involves touch, connection and communication.  Sex stimulates the brain and raises self-esteem.  Simply sharing an intimate moment with your partner can have a calming affect on the mind, and you’ll develop a glow that makes those around you smile.  You secretly know why…they may too!

How to Have Healthier Sex

There are tons of ways for you to bring sexercise into the bedroom.  Kissing and touching are great ways to burn calories.  Sensual massages relax the body and strengthen intimate bonds. Switching positions allows you to target multiple muscle groups. Though you may no longer be an A+ acrobat in the bedroom, you can still be creative, innovative, and think outside of the box.  It doesn’t matter how you do it, it just matters that you’re doing it.  It’s certainly an easier commute than the gym and you don’t need a membership!

Dr. Dorree Lynn, PhD, is a psychologist and life coach in Washington, DC and author of Sex for Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truths, Lies, and Must-Tries for Great Sex After 50. She is AARP’s Media “Sexpert” and has been featured on ABC, MSNBC, CNN, Fox News & VH1.  Visit her website: www.DrDorreeLynn.com

Link: http://issuu.com/diannabowes/docs/be_fabulous_issue5_print/24?mode=window&backgroundColor=%23222222

Tantric sex is a method of intimacy that focuses on an increased spiritual awareness and erotic energy. It can be practiced alone, or with a lover. Think of Tantric Sex as a dance with no beginning and no end. There is no rush to the finish line; it is meditative, expressive, creative and intimate. Tantric [...]

Birds Do It
And So Do We!

By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From Grand Magazine 07/08 2011

Click to see screenshot from GrandMagazine online.

“Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it,” wrote Cole Porter. Well, so do we grands.

The difference is, if you expect to make love the same way you did when hormones were your propelling force, forget it. Fifty-plus togetherness takes a different kind of motivation. Yes, we have pills, Kegel exercises, hormone replacements and titillating flicks, and of course we all know that healthy diets and exercise help. But what really makes the difference is the way we think about it all.

The birds and the bees for upbeat grands

1. The brain is your major sex organ. If what’s below your belt doesn’t work the way it once did, change your thinking about sex. Sex is all about process, not only the goal.

2. Learn to cherish your sensuality. Remember Marvin Gaye’s songs “Let’s Get It On” and “Sexual Healing”? Now we can understand what that sexy guy was singing about.

3. Make sure you are in good health. Get a total physical before trying anything new.

4. Exercise gets your brain’s serotonin swaying, your circulation flowing and your muscles moving. Do a little or a lot, but do something.

5. Eating well and losing those few extra pounds will not only help keep you healthy, it will make you feel sexier.

6. Guys: Let science help you where nature has left off. You may find your erections aren’t as firm or frequent as they once were. This is normal. Don’t be afraid to use erection aids if prescribed. Caution though: Not every prescription works for every man, and most don’t work all the time. Genuine desire is still your best ally.

7. Ladies: If you need a little help, try over-the-counter lubricating products like Astroglide, K-Y Jelly or any of the many new products out there. Vaseline is a no-no. Try what’s commonly used for cooking, Crisco. It’s soluble, a great lubricant, inexpensive, easy to find in any supermarket, and can heat up the bedroom to a sizzling boiling point.

8. Communication keeps sex alive and comes in many forms. Sometimes a simple gesture, a loving comment or even an afternoon in the park can be very sexy.

9. Become a good listener – to yourself. Think about your feelings, your values and your knowledge. If you are shy and confused by the new you, this is to be expected. You may not know what you want now. That’s fine. Start to talk to your friends, read the latest medical information, surf the web, and fact-check before you believe anything you are told.

10. It’s a statistical fact: Good sex and good relationships help keep people happier, healthier and living longer.

Dr. Dorree Lynn is a Georgetown-based psychologist and the author of Sex for Grownups.

Link: http://www.grandmagazine.com/article.asp?id=509

Q&A With Dr. Dorree Lynn

By Susan Johnson & Dr. Dorree Lynn
From GUS!

Listen in as Susan Johnson, editor of Gus! magazine, talks sex ~ and more ~ with Dr. Dorree Lynn

Susan~ We are very excited that you have agreed to kick off our River House Speaker Series! You are considered to be a ‘pioneer’ when it comes to changing the perception of aging in this country. If you could choose just one bit of information that you would like people to know about you, what would that be?

Dr. Dorree Lynn ~ That it is important for each of us to realize that we can all be ‘pioneers’ who can successfully change the concept of aging in America!

Susan~ How about some background information?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ I’ll be turning 70 this summer and I have a 50-year-old daughter! And while I will admit to a bit of cosmetic surgery, for the most part I practice and try to teach the benefits of living a healthy life! I take Yoga and Pilates and eat all the healthful foods. Because I come from a generation where turning 40 meant gaining weight and becoming unattractive and dull, I kept re-inventing myself, which made every life stage very exciting. We all age and we do lose some of our physical abilities but we gain wisdom and a sense of process. Our ability to teach and give back can more than compensate for any declines. There is no longer any age where one can be put out and forgotten…we all have so much to mentor and to teach. It’s unfortunate that many older people feel invisible and forget how much they have to contribute.

Susan~ Our society tends to group people according to age…20’s, 30’s, 40’s, etc. Until we reach 50 and then it’s simply…50 and over! Why? Are the changes that occur over
each decade in the years between 50 and 100 so insignificant that they can be generalized in that way?

Dr. Doree Lynn: ~ Developmental stages at 50,60 70 and 80 are different issues…to ‘sage’ well we need to pay attention, take seriously and learn how to deal with the challenges of each developmental stage.  For example, one prevailing myth in America is that older people are more depressed than younger people but the majority of studies show that that is not the case.  People who have reached the age of 60 or 70 have a certain perspective on life and have learned to roll with the punches…every issue is not a dramatic experience. Providing they have good relationships, community involvement and are not isolated, they are actually more happy than their younger counterparts.

Susan ~ Why is there such a disparity between our apparent willingness to have sex and our reluctance to have a conversation about sex?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ My generation grew up when words like menopause weren’t even mentioned. Most of us in this demographic are not accustomed to hearing or seeing words that have a sexual meaning. Even the medical profession perpetuates this issue because young health care providers won’t ask older people about their sex life. They feel as if they are talking to their parents about sex. And the older practitioners are of the same era as their patients so don’t feel comfortable talking about it.

Susan ~ One of the most disturbing and recent statistics that plays into this lack of communication is the rise of STD’s.

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes, unfortunately the over-50 female is in the category that has seen the greatest increase in sexually transmitted diseases. This is because most people in that age group associate the use of condoms with pregnancy prevention and not with disease protection. And again, there is a reluctance to discuss these issues even within the
medical profession itself.

Susan ~ Is it really more about intimacy than sex? And what are we concerned with in our 60’s that we may not have thought about in our 20’s?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ When we seek professional advice regarding sex, we are almost always talking about communication and intimacy…sex is a by-product. Sex is more than the act of intercourse or procreation. It is also about control and surrender; touching, feeling and communicating! A common occurrence is that, once the children leave home, a couple may need to renegotiate their marriage but have no idea how to do that. I like to say that there is no such thing as a monogamous marriage, which always surprises people! But what I mean is that everyone needs to learn to have different types of relationships with the same person. And almost 50% of those over 50 are dating but don’t have the tools for a functional relationship. Everyone changes and everyone needs to learn to communicate these changes.

Susan o you have some communication techniques that you could suggest?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Yes! Location, location, location!  The last place to talk about intimacy issues is the bedroom. It is a high anxiety place for men in particular and
women often become reserved and shy. And when you talk, don’t start immediately with you innermost thoughts. Another tip would be to explore! One of the advantages of
getting older is that everything slows down and there is time to explore who they are becoming or who they have become. Investigate how to tolerate more intimacy and enjoy
the process without focusing so much on the goal.  We see our partners in their bathrobes or sweats and forget this person with whom we’ve chosen to spend our lives.  Have a
mid-week date night where you just walk, sit and have a glass of wine or cup of tea. People who share activities and conversation bond with better intimacy.

Susan ~ Let’s talk about Viagra!

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Chemical aides for both women and men are highly overrated for the following reasons. It has been statistically proven that about 40% of men who use Viagra
ultimately give it up. People also forget that without desire, Viagra won’t work. Almost one half of the people who say they are taking Viagra or want to take Viagra, can’t take it
due to it’s interactions with other medications. And unfortunately, Viagra is in use among young people who are not sexually dysfunctional so the statistics are misleading and
inaccurate.

Susan ~ How does menopause affect women…and does it happen to men?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ Women experience menopause as a direct physical event that they have to deal with. Men, on the other hand, have a slow decline with no one to tell them
what’s happening and so they look around for support and it can be a very frightening time. Men are traditionally more goal oriented and don’t have the skills to bond. Sadly, the second highest suicide rate after young African American males are older, single men.

Susan ~ What about a general ‘tip’ that can immediately improve a person’s sex life?

Dr. Dorree Lynn: ~ The brain is the biggest sex organ…it’s attitude that makes the difference.

Seniors Are Having Unprotected Sex (& We Don’t Mean High School Seniors)

By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From Upbeat Senior Magazine 01.01.10

The world of sexual aids is broken down into two categories:  Toys and Tools.  Men use toys, women use tools.  This theory transcends sexual aids.  Men love their toys, whether it’s cars, boats, video games, men love to play.  Women, however, approach the idea of sexual aids in the same way soldiers approach objectives on a battlefield.  For the sake of humor, let’s call it “Operation Orgasm.”

Walk into any sex store and peruse the walls and aisles looking at which products are designed for which sex.  For men, you’ll find penis rings, sleeves, pumps, lubes, and plastic vaginas (if you venture into the gay area you can find anal toys ranging from beginner to expert, with “training kits” somewhere in between).

But if you go looking for products for women, you’ll find the intersection of science and sexuality.  Products that seem to have been designed on the Starship Enterprise fill the walls and, often times, you have to cock your head to the side and use a little imagination in order to fully understand what the item is and how it is suppose to be used.

You may find items in a sex store that are designed to do things that aren’t humanly possible.  Which is exactly my point.  Because men are task-oriented, products for men are designed to be toys that “simulate” normal sexual experiences, whereas products for women are designed to be tools that “supplement” sex/masturbation by doing what a penis (or the man attached to it) simply cannot do.

Take the Rabbit for example.  It’s a vibrator on steroids, complete with an extra appendage designed to stimulate the clitoris and beads on the inside of the fake phallus that rotate, all the while vibrating at 2,500 RPMs.  A former client of mine once complained, “How am I supposed to compete with that?  I can’t put a motor in my penis… I’ve talked to the Dr. and it can’t be done!”

So the question becomes, “What do we do with this information?”  Let’s start by accepting the facts, and then move on to incorporating those facts into our sexual experiences.  I’ve long been an advocate for sexual aids, especially for those over 50.  We use hearing aids, walkers, and vitamins, why not use a vibrator or a Fleshlight once in a while?  That’s actually part of what makes sex after 50 so great—we’ve lived long enough that we should be comfortable with sex, and at the same time we should have become bored enough with regular sex that we’re willing to kick it up a notch and try something new.  The orgasm shouldn’t be the goal, but rather the journey to the orgasm… the giving of pleasure by one partner to the other, even if that means using a toy or utilizing a tool to get you where you want to be.

Men Have Toys, Women Have Tools

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The Mystery Disease That Would Transform a Generation

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Growing Old vs. Growing Up
Wrinkles, wisdom…and sex that’s better than ever!

By Dr. Dorree Lynn
From Grand Magazine 05/06 2011

Click to see screenshot from GrandMagazine online.

Are you grown-up but don’t feel old? Does the image in your mirror look like your parents? Does your butt sag? Does your outside image feel out of kilter with how you feel inside? Do you as a grandparent have sex? Surrounded by a youth-oriented culture, we may consider the whole question of growing up vs. growing old befuddling at times, especially the issues around sex. According to statistics, many more grands are busy “doing it” than their children and society at large want to believe.

Children of all ages, even grown-up ones, still seem prone to the “yuck” factor when they think of their parents or otherwise elders making love. At what age do grownups have to grow up? Since we are living longer than ever before in U.S. history, we are pioneers forging new paths and definitions about what it means to be “grown-up.” We may be grown-up, but most of us are no longer old in the ways associated with those generations who’ve preceded us. We’ve earned our wrinkles and wisdom and we possess our own semi secret: For many in our generation sex is better than ever. Grownup, YES! Old in the traditional sense, NO!

There is a difference between growing up and growing old. 60 is not the new 40, 70 is not the new 50, 80 is not the new 60, etc. We are precisely the age we are, only in a new way. Do we really want the acne, identity crisis and awkwardness of youth all over again? Haven’t we already done that? We are a new definition of active elders, precisely our chronological age, but for the first time in history we are busy with encore careers, still having sex and continually breaking the stereotype and stultifying definitions of “old.” These are our Bonus Years, and we have so much livin’ and lovin’ to offer.

With more than 78 million baby boomers emerging into the latter years of their lives, soon those of us over 50 will be the majority of the population. Thus, it is no surprise that we see Gran Lucy dressing any way she wishes and Granddad Luke attired like a retired ballplayer. Are you a Granny who doesn’t wear granny panties or a Grandpa insisting on driving his own cool automobile? Or, perhaps you are mentoring others or newly pursuing a lifelong dream? Join the crowd. You are part of our new generation leading those who will follow into new possibilities. Yes, we may have a few more aches and getting out of bed may take a bit more time, but gray hair or dyed, wrinkles proudly worn or a bit of Botox here or there, we are grown-ups in the process of redefining what it is to grow old.

I’m in my late 60s. I’ve been married, divorced, a single working mom and remarried, and along the way I’ve become Mom and Grand Mom to my thoroughly modern “tribe” comprised of a multi-ethnic, multi-religious extended family of children, stepchildren and grandchildren spread throughout the country. I love my work, travel, have endless curiosity and interests, keep fit with yoga and Pilates, try to eat well, and, yes, my husband and I still have sex. Old? The years continue to add up, but old the way my parents and grandparents were at the same age? Not me. Nor are you. Neither are any of us dancing our way down the backside of the hill.

Dr. Dorree Lynn is a Georgetown-based psychologist and life coach committed to helping people have better relationships & fulfilling sex lives. She has appeared on Good Morning America, MSNBC, CNN, PBS and other major programming. She is the author of Sex for Grownups. You can follow Dr. Lynn and ask questions on her website, DrDorreeLynn.com.

Link: http://www.grandmagazine.com/article.asp?id=481