Aging gracefully is the new Politically Correct (PC) term for how Boomers and their elders are supposed to fluidly dance into their twilight years. To my surprise the term has been picked up and embraced my none other than Oprah, our current icon of what’s in, Time Magazine, and most others magazines and books in the process of sending out feelers about what will work as they both try to lure and to address those vibrantly FiftyandFurthermore. In my view the term Aging Gracefully is, not only all wrong, it simply serves to confuse those of us who are trying to age with all our confusions and new learning along the way.

The term connotes the scene of a perfect ballet pas de deux or jette or a woman with perfectly coiffed grey hair forever smiling in the sun as if she’s never had a care (or a well earned wrinkle) or a football tossed multiple yards to the receiver who effortlessly turns and steps into the end zone for an amazing touchdown. Or, perhaps the beautifully played violin concerto, chess match easily won, or the perfect evening gown made by a loving grandmother for her granddaughter’s prom. All these accomplishments are in fact acts of grace and are to be applauded for being so. However simple appreciation of the final product belies the years of effort, practice, pricked fingers, broken bones and even battle scars that have gone into this final accomplishment.

When I hear people talk or read articles about Aging Gracefully, I cringe with distaste at Madison Avenue’s influence and all that’s not real. In fact, the term can actually be damaging as it creates an unattainable standard that guarantees many people will fall short and thus feel inadequate. Yes, a life well lived deserves to be admired. www.FiftyandFurthermore.com showcases our Sages for this very reason. We believe that these very different individuals who have lived long lives should be honored for their achievements, but even more so, whether their achievements impact many or few, they are people who stand as role models for those interested in life-long learning and being mentored. I can assure you, none of our Sages, just as no individual who has lived more than half a century has, have gotten to where they are without their share of hard knocks. They do not simply age gracefully appearing as an elder version of Bottecelli’s Venus – calmly out of a clam shell. They become people of substance precisely because they have worked hard, lived long and experienced life fully.

It’s a myth to think that the women of the Boomer generation are going to Sage gently and gracefully, eventually to sit on their porches in their rocking chairs telling tales and knitting for their progeny. Let’s get real. These wise elders are people of grace because they have grown into themselves and understand that each of life’s tiny vicissitudes is not monumental. They have learned that love and spirit matter and that it takes a heck of a lot of time and effort to floss twice a day, eat right, exercise, remember to take their medications, keep their doctor’s appointments, and stay in good mental and physical shape. Their grace has been hard won and keeping it is far from easy.

Perhaps the best we can hope for is to age well and for aging well to be good enough. The term Aging Well (my current favorite) connotes many possibilities. It means aging with health, spirit and knowledge to one’s best ability. And the best that one can do may not appear or even be particularly graceful. Aging well means continuing to age as one has lived his or her life; learning, living and doing the best they can. Even more importantly than that, it means believing that the best they can do is good enough.

Aging gracefully? Not me. I will continue to try my best to live as effectively , passionately, productively, serenely and lovingly as I can with the gifts I have been given and the tools that I have mastered. I can only hope that for those around me, my version of aging well will be good enough.