Hidden Communication Between Parent and Offspring
Last Friday my 31-year-old single daughter, myself and my husband, her stepfather, decided go out together. My daughter suggested we see the movie, Black Swan. There are many reasons she might have chosen that particular movie. I wondered if some of them might have to do with sexuality, and possibly something about the daughter’s relationship with her loving but over controlling, destructive mother, along with several other messages. When I tried to ask her about it, she grinned knowingly. Then she said” Oh Mom, you always think something is psychological. Let’s talk about something else.
This set me to wondering about the many ways our kids, grown or not, choose to try to tell us about their feelings, perceptions and their lives. Inter-generational communication between a mom and her kid is always complex. I remember ways I tried to talk to my mom, often through symbolic acts. My offspring often do the same. I find it’s a fine line between talking about the intention and leaving well enough alone.
Here are 5 hints I’ve learned:
1. Ask, but don’t push.
2. Be aware of secondary or hidden underlying messages.
3. Stay cool and try not to take things personally.
4. Let your child take the lead.
5. And above all, listen.
other blog entries from »
