Fifty & Furthermore

Do you get out of bed many times at night to pee? Are you up half the night, tossing and turning? Are medications, hormone  imbalances,  anxiety,  insomnia,  restless  leg  syndrome, snoring, or sleep apnea keeping you or your partner awake? It’s no wonder that so many of us are exhausted and sex takes a beating.  A  major  reason  one-fifth  of  married  couples  sleep separately is because one partner disturbs the other at night, often by snoring. But even if you solve snoring with a sleep study and a diagnosis of sleep  apnea,  who  feels  particularly sexy in bed with a C-Pap mask strapped to his or her face?

Cutting-edge neuroscience researchers on the brain-sleep-sex pathways are exploring new solutions for these problems. In  the  meantime,  here  are  some  things  you  can  try  in  your quest for rest—with a little sex on the side.

• Yoga,  exercise  (not  at  night),  meditation,  acupuncture, massage, and other de-stressors can be good sleep aides.
• Try  sleep-soothing  eating,  such  as  no  food  two hours before bed and limiting caffeine during  the  day.  Eating foods that contain tryptophan, like turkey or milk, helps release serotonin to relax you at bedtime.
• Taking magnesium an hour before bedtime can be especially effective. Very few people get enough of this essential mineral.
• Supplements containing sedative herbs, like valerian and skullcap, and/or low doses of melatonin work wonders for some people. (Please check with your healthcare provider before taking melatonin if you have depression, are bipolar, or prone to seasonal affective disorder.)
• For  reasons  not  fully  understood,  we  tend  to  have  more sleep  problems  as  we  age.  If  you  can’t  catch  enough  at night, catnaps during the day can lift your energy.

If all else fails, some people find occasional sleep medications useful.  But  be  aware  that  although  sleep  drugs,  like  Ambien, Lunesta and others, are deemed nonaddictive, many people who use  them  feel  otherwise.  Plus,  some  people  experience unwanted  side  effects,  including  sleepwalking  (hide  the  car keys!),  falling  when  getting  up  to  go  to  the  bathroom,  and morning grogginess. There is also often a rebound effect, leaving the user even less able to fall asleep if you stay on the medication for too long or stop it too abruptly.

If you do end up sleeping elsewhere from your lover in order to  get  some  rest,  it’s not always a negative.  No one wants to make love when they are dragging. You can still keep your connection  alive, even when sleeping  apart,  if you each maintain visiting rights that can lead to comfort and sex.