Affairs Don’t End Marriages
I recently ran into an old friend with whom I had not spoken in several years. When I asked, “How’s your wife? Is she still teaching?” he replied, “We divorced after I caught her having an affair.” I thought to myself, “WHY???” I’m not promoting infidelity and adultery. Let’s get that straight first. But I do want to shed light on the fact that statistically affairs are rarely the reason marriages break up–married people in married trouble do. What I mean is, when people turn away from their marriage to fulfill a need, it can be due to many reasons, including, but not necessarily, because that need is not being satisfied within the marriage. Most often, communication verbally and in the bedroom is at a dead end. The acknowledgement of an affair can be a catalyst break through, if, and only if both parties deal with the underlying causes and unaddressed issues, sometimes with professional help.
If both partners still love each other, an affair can open the door to communication that wasn’t there before. Will there always be a scar? Probably. However, with time forgiveness is possible. I remember well what one of my clients told me in the wake of her husband’s infidelity. For the sake of her marriage and her children, she decided to stay with her husband and work things out. When I inquired as to her reasoning, she said, “What he did was wrong. What he did was a violation of the vows we took before God. But we both vowed to love and support one another, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. Now don’t get me wrong, I wanted to kill him right then and there, but I realized something important: just because he did what he did not mean that he had stopped loving me. We had drifted apart. Yes, I believe he cared for the other woman, and I was jealous and untrusting for several years. But, I actually believe that once we decided to address our previously ignored issues, our marriage got better. We had gotten lazy about loving.”
Granted, things don’t always work out so well. But it’s important to realize that with attention to the facts, and if love and determination exist, affairs–as searingly painful as they can be–can actually provide opportunities to strengthen a relationship. Sometimes!!!
Link: http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/dr-dorree-lynn/affairs-dont-end-marriages/
