A Letter I Wish My Father Could Have Read
by Dr. Dorree Lynn
From VibrantNation.com 06.20.11
Dear Dad,
You’ve been gone so many years, I can barely remember the number. Now, it is my children and grandchildren who call or write my husband or myself on these special occasions. How I wish you and I could speak in person now. With added years and understanding, I miss you more than ever. As we both acknowledged, you were not a present or very aware dad. It was another era. You and mom had issues of your own that, as a child, I couldn’t understand. All I knew was that I was often angry at your being gone, including during the war years, and that I adored you when I heard you speak. You had a voice that could mesmerize an audience.
I cherished those Saturday mornings we spent together and the baseball games we went to. Even then I understood you really wanted a son and had no idea what to do with a daughter. So, I learned “boy things,” especially to love the game, know every Yankee, Dodger and Giant player by name and though, at six, seven and eight I desperately needed that 7th inning stretch, I never moved from your side, my small hand grasping your larger one for protection. My favorite memory remains the times after the game when we would secretly stop for banana splits, just the two of us, and eat every last bite. It was our special secret that we agreed never to tell Mom.
Our relationship was far from easy and as a teenager I understand what a handful I was. A young girl of that era wasn’t raised to travel to far away places the way I did, make decisions that went against your wishes and dent more than one car as I insisted on driving independently. It is now after being a parent myself that I understand what a challenging young woman I was to raise. With a grandmother’s perspective I can say with Judy Collins I can see, “life from both sides now.”
One special gift that you gave me remains with me to this day. When I left my first marriage after many years, the first in our family to choose divorce, you reached out to me and said, “I know you are in turmoil, what can I do?” We sat for three days and talked adult to adult. Together, we shared secrets, laughed and cried. Finally we agreed that no, you hadn’t been the best father in the world. But, I answered your question and said, “You can be the best grandfather you can be.” As the younger generation now says, “You were awesome!” I will always be grateful for that.
I love you,
Dorree
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